still_intrepid: (romano)
...Apparently we're meeting at the absurd hour of 10am tomorrow morning for this rehearsal/auditioning newbies day.  ABSURD hour, I say.  (Because it's a ways' away too, I mean...  Otherwise I would still complain but not feel at all reasonable in doing so ^^;)


Sat, Feb. 28th, 2015 11:16 pm
still_intrepid: (Default)
Startling news: today went pretty much to plan. 


Sun, Feb. 22nd, 2015 12:18 pm
still_intrepid: (Default)
I think I really must be short on sleep.  I've completely forgotten my PIN to log on to internet banking.  (Which I've been doing regularly for years.)  It's just.  Gone. I have a sort of idea what it's close to but I'm not sure why it would be that and not what I just tried!  I.  Am going to try again tomorrow maybe, hopefully it will have magically come back into my brain.  
still_intrepid: (avalanche)
That's what it kind of feels like sometimes?  Like, plonk, here is some GLOOM on you for no especial reason.

Meh.  What would really really help is to feel like I'm making progress on this piece I'm trying to write -- the last couple days I have tried in a more focussed way but I still have really no idea of the shape of the finished thing so it's hard.  

Work was super-busy (and so I was really annoyed and everyone and everything for a bit there but honestly I don't really feel that anymore, so that's fine), choir yesterday was sort of mixed, I'm still staying up way late and sleeping in and I've got many emails and adminny things still to attend to -- well all that doesn't really amount to much, does it?  

Presentation - which ended up being super duper short - on Tuesday went fine in the event, did I say?  And I got two absolutely lovely reviews on a fic so that's good.  I'm violinning a bit more again, should keep that up.  And listening to new music, which, again, should/could spend many more hours on where does the time actually in fact go?  

Also listening to videos of blackbirds singing!  For composing reasons, but actually tis really calming.....  here!

Ugh, I dunno.  Again.  All I need to do is get out of this rut for a few days and get some work in and I'll feel much better, but the thing is I'm always saying this and doing this.  And it's not crunch time yet but I do need to get a move on deadline-wise at some point, and I think, Well surely you wouldn't let all this time slip by without getting stuff done, and yet.   I am tremendously good at self-sabotage, guh.  (It's a cycle, yeah, like I feel kind of lonely but I also feel too stressed to see people!)

(no subject)

Tue, Feb. 17th, 2015 09:44 pm
still_intrepid: (Default)
Just made/ate pancakes with someone I sort of... know pretty well?  have been involved in tons of musical/theatre-y things with?  haven't really hung out one to one with.  At her house, and later with her husband (and we all met back in the same show, wow).  Twas really nice!  Their house is unbelievably nice, I'm quite jealous.  We made all slightly weird recipes with buckwheat and sweet potato (two separate recipes; she eats Interestingly!), and chatted about friends and auditions and statistics and 1930s Germany and 1700s Scotland and, you know, stuff like that.  

(It's weird with her because she's always been so determined and kind of a force of nature with getting stuff done, when I realised a little while ago she is actually very quiet and introverted, maybe more so than I am.)

Also, survived my presentation, the major issue of which turned out to be trying to compress it down basically FIVE MINUTES to allow time to play the piece.  So, I can't believe how much time I wasted on all that -- but it wasn't really wasted because I do now have some written-down thoughts about the piece for if I need to write a commentary or whatever in future...  Huzzah :)  Back to the point tomorrow, I hope!
still_intrepid: the little prince: quand on est tellement triste... (sunsets)
Monday - sorted out the living room and washed all the things.
Tuesday - fic
Wednesday - fanmix
Today - doughnuts

...These are good things... but I do need to make further progress on certain compositional things.  I've heroically messed up my sleep again too ;;

Also I got a few books from library with vague intention to actually read them.  At the same time realising that I have very little idea even where to start with grown-up fiction, actually.

Dostoevsky's The Idiot, dramatised, is on R4extra at the moment and I've been really enjoying listening to that.  Well... 'enjoying'; it's a little emotionally wringing for that!  I haven't read the book, wondering how different and how difficult it would actually be...

(no subject)

Tue, Feb. 3rd, 2015 02:27 pm
still_intrepid: (mendelssohn)
I really wish I hadn't stayed up til 4am yesterday sort-of-working on a proposal for a thing... (I was working on it but I should have been all done by, like, 1.)  Hm, I hope I get it - I have no idea what proposal for a composition is supposed to be like, really; having talked to people it seems like programme notes only more so, and they're not my favourite either.  I had a real long lie-in this morning though so hopefully I can pretend none of it happened and have no excuse for falling asleep this afternoon.

So..... this has been looming for a while: I have a meeting with my supervisor Friday and not a proper plan of what I'm going to talk about with him -- still sort of intend to write two whole new things in the next couple days.  But!  Have a (I think?) really workable idea for one of them.  So.  Going to go into department before seminar and try to bash out a bunch of it in the piano room, assuming I don't fall asleep. Coffee flask.  Mmkay.  

I also 'redid' my website, which is to say basically took it all down and stuck up a "come back soon anyway here's soundcloud" notice.  Listened to a bunch of old things in the progress and again lamented my (not-so)-recent crisis of confidence about everything...  Actually, I think I can recognize that I'm always feeling this mix/alternation of "hey that's awesome" and "i'm a complete failure"..  But also I think there is something that I used to be more just 'go for it' in my attitude and I need to feel able to do that, not just when I'm running out of time!

speaking of music and that, I wrote a passacaglia week and a bit ago.

(no subject)

Mon, Jan. 12th, 2015 01:23 am
still_intrepid: (tsundereflowers)
I kind of wonder if some post here went missing over Christmas, because there was nothing waiting for me when I got back after two whole weeks, not even bills etc, and not Christmas correspondence...

That reminds me though, I brought back some letter paper and notecards, so I should write to my grandma, and to Juliet..

hallo userpics.

Sun, Jan. 11th, 2015 10:19 pm
still_intrepid: (poland bows)
 I've just remembered.

Icons.  You can have many icons on this thing.  


...all the ones I have I made in circa 2005...


Sun, Jan. 11th, 2015 10:01 pm
still_intrepid: (chibitalia)
Pfffft, am a silly billy, it went really well.  So I got a really clear hearing of how my piece sounded and it was very like I planned.  Thinking about it, I did try to fit an awful lot in my 7 minutes, maybe too much, but on the other hand, that was kind of the point. 

Course, this was not until after I'd had a mini meltdown about what on earth to wear because nothing looked right or felt right and what impression did I want to give and why did everything look like an office or otherwise bad etc etc etc....... so, uh, now gonna clean my room from all the clothes I threw around :)

Find of the concert for me I think was Gate by Graham Fitkin, which was v. exciting and energetic!

ETA: HAHAHA, writing entries on a kindle is hilarious.  "on the other java"! yes, that's an idiom.
still_intrepid: (Default)
For the last few days, since being back in Bristol, I've been getting up early (for me) and going to this research students conference.  Aaand today is Sunday and I stayed in bed till 12. Never mind.  

The conference was kind of interesting!  I mean, the overall experience. The papers were a mix of really interesting to not that interesting. It was a real mix of topics, and I'm not a musicologist anyway so it was quite nice just to be able to listen to the things and Learn a few Things in the abstract without needing to. Also since my uni was hosting this year it was free and since it was free I didn't feel I had to attend every single thing I possibly could.

Some of my favourites were a paper on presentation of death in Nazi and Stalinist cinema in the 30s-40s (broadly: do not show it directly, and like jump cut away immediately to a montage of the glorious collective victory, spectacle music rather than identifier..); this composer Ambrogio Minoja who did very well out of all the rapidly switching regimes in Napoleonic era Milan (also I'm now kinda interested to look into there/republican cisalpina in general); and Atomic Bomb Music in Japan, and how, according to the speaker, it's been a little absent from scholarship when it actually has some different perspectives.

See?? Quite a variorum. ...although now I look at that list, they're all the kind of political ones.

Anyway. We also had a concert yesterday with Schola Cantorum (dept women's choir that sings basically medieval chant or very contemporary stuff!), singing for student compositions including mine. And it went really well :) like, not completely perfect and one moment was a little scary BUT I'm still really happy, to me it sounded the most convincing and expressive we've done it.  

...and the I went to hear a rehearsal for the sax and piano piece that's being played in a concert today and that pretty much killed my good mood dead.  It sounded really bitty and incoherent and I feel like the performers didn't really like the piece, and where I'd been pleased with what I'd written last term I was thinking ugh maybe it doesn't make sense, why'd I do that, etc etc.  However. I am holding on to the fact that it was a rehearsal, and the end of the session, and they were tired, and they will want the piece to sound good.  Also that I've had this same experience before, in September; went to hear the rehearsal, not great at all, wondered how I'd written such apparently difficult but also inane sounding music. Got really sad and stressed out and various things, started crying uncontrollably in the car with my parents who thought it was their fault for telling me to look p eople in the eye and not mumble... and then in the concert itself or was pretty much fine. 

So. I'm gonna go with that's what will happen tonight. Just waiting for my family to get here for lunch now, should be a nice afternoon.

This... makes our sound like I just have people perfo rming my pieces alllll the time...  yeah, no, this is an unusual weekend! I'd like to think that if that was the case I'd have gotten a bit more used to the experience... the wild sky

Sat, Jan. 3rd, 2015 11:53 pm
still_intrepid: (romano)
I think I might try to start journaling again this year. Dreamwidthing, I mean. Hm. I have to say that doesn't roll off the tongue like 'livejournaling' at least almost did. I mean: now and then, but more often than every six months, making an entry here about life, or music or books or fandom or whatever. Not a nice paper thing with quotes and colours.

Now that we've defined our terms...... (good grief, self)

Anyway, I think it would be nice to keep track of things, a little. Also to use full sentences... or at least respectable sentence fragments. And just write about any old things, at greater length than really works on tumblr. Also I used to talk to people so much on lj before we all variously drifted off, and thinking about it I miss that.

It's now quarter to midnight. I think I have time for one episode of a:tla at least! (I'm so near the end of the whole series now, I can't believe it. I'm racing through and I really don't want it to end. That play episode though?? That episode just demonstrated how the series deserved that episode, brilliant. I really need to get Xana to watch with me.)

This is a totally nothing entry but there! now I've posted it I have to post more soon.

(no subject)

Sun, Feb. 16th, 2014 08:04 am
still_intrepid: (Default)
 Extremely random, but I got a bunch new socks and underwear for Christmas and they still make me happy :D  (Plus, keeping my clothes drawers organised is the one thing I've managed since new years, so that's good..)

Also I've just remembered I had a really vivid dream about ice skating... ahh, I miss that, actually -- I did it every week until ... I don't even know, early secondary school?? til I ran out of basic classes.  I wasn't especially good and could barely dare to do spins ^^  In my dream I kept falling over!  But, I'd quite like to go again but there's no rink nearby anymore.

(no subject)

Mon, Feb. 10th, 2014 10:28 pm
still_intrepid: (Default)
 AHHHHH noo I just wrote a long updatey entry and it deleted!  Why, hello there 2003 problems ^^

Run down: feeling morose mostly because I'm doing a sucky job taking care of myself and I need to focus more, got a mini-mini job directing a choir which is great/terrifying but it is a bit sad because I'm stopping wind band for it and only just realising how much I like those guys...  Lotsa interesting books from the library... Olypmics buzz!  yes.  Having Thoughts on composition and should have more.

Back in Bris

Mon, Dec. 30th, 2013 08:18 pm
still_intrepid: (Default)
 *le sigh* I'm organizing ALL MY CLOTHES

so far, I've done underwear and tights.  I don't even wear tights that much, how do I have so many!?  Oh well, at least they are hole-free and in li'l baggies now so I can see/get to them.

Aaand it's taken me a couple hours ^^;  I've watched the Christmas Doctor Who!  And listened to Yes Minster and a bit of Electric Ink, all repeats...  I'm now just getting up the willpower to go the kitchen and make supper.  i.e. reheat what I brought from home, this is not difficult but ughh I was wanting this house to be empty when I arrived but after over a week with my family it's a little lonely I guess.

I have an idea for my brass band thing though.  Like a concept anyway.  Cos I've been listening to Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire (on cassette tape at home and I'm ugh really annoyed I can't continue now!!  I thought it was on Grooveshark(!), and it's not, and it's not even downloadable from iTunes -- I could probably be tempted right now, Christmas money and all!)  BUT ANYWAY.  Teehee.  'Care of Magical Creatures', and the challenge will be making Variation form interesting and workable (in a c. 5 minute piece) ... it could go: Blast-Ended Skrewts, Unicorns, Hippogriffs (LOUD AND EXPLOSIVE, solo flugelhorn (IT RHYMES, this is to please my mother) and a pretty chorale style thingum, and then finish on an awesome FLYING bit.)  I... will hopefully do something about this tomorrow, that and generally listen around, find out more about brass bands and ugh maybe answer emails.

(no subject)

Mon, Dec. 30th, 2013 01:05 pm
still_intrepid: (Default)
 Still kinda disgustingly cold-y and coughing up stuff, but getting a lift back to Bristol this afternoon… all full of good and beautiful intentions to get enough sleep (this hasn't helped this week!!), limit internet time on weekdays, have more time for people and write a ton of music…  Equipped with lots nice presents and clothes, so that's nice…!  We'll see!
still_intrepid: (Default)
((I want to keep track of stuff!!))

  • Christmas at home lovely.
  • chocolate log now a tradition I think
  • we cleaned the oven!
  • Mummy said a bunch of times I was being v. helpful :)  which is really nice but also I'm like… it's no problem at all (uh dear is this a big contrast from previous years oops?)
  • went shopping yesterday for presents (for me~) and got a bunch of nice clothes things
  • my brother got me a plug in speaker thing that is actually good!
  • currently studying brass bands/ensembles and how that all works
  •  still kinda worried about being way behind in work, need to do loads but see next point
  • been mega-cold-y with sore throat and totally exhausted the last four days or so though, bleh!!!
  • saw The Hobbit part 2 yesterday.  Good?  Too long!!!  I don't care about their relevance to the plot or not though tbh, Legolas and Tauriel are the most entertaining things I kinda love them.  Seriously, Team Protect Kili!! (Fili, Tauriel, and Legolas who is Team Protect Kili By Proxy) could take on like the entire dark forces of Middle Earth on their own and I'd like to see them do that.
  • I didn't notice as many musical themes this time though?  I might have to listen to the soundtrack or something.  But after part 1 I came out with the sort of heroic-marching-across-mountains theme in my head, and Misty Mountains of course, which it is related to...
  • Lindsey wrote me pilot!Poland fic!!
  • OH wow oh dear this computer autocorrects fic to fix ugh stop.
  • WE ARE BORROWING A DOG.  she is a chocolate labrador called Breena and she is the cutest snuggliest thing ahhhh I want a dog I want a dog.
  • Writing the piano things last week was good, because I did stuff.  I finished things.  Plus, can actually pick up some kinda themes and patterns in what I write when I just go with what I want.
  • I re-read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead!!!  *nostalgic sigh* ahhhhhhh.  1, it takes me right back to sixth form times, 2. it's just still so good, I kinda want to read bits out for online folks…. 3. I should just finish that Biggs and Wedge fic!  Which is.. funny because it'll be almost TEN YEARS ago I started it, wow.
  • My dad's having trouble walking as far and a bit with fine motor skills, and the first night was feeling a bit rough with things he thought were relating to medicine and Parkinsons.  ..Hm, I'm trying to say "nothing too bad though" which is like… it IS quite a change over the last few years, but I guess we're okay, my mum talked me through what'd been happening.  No shaking or anything.
  • Been having baths, yay.
  • Ideas for violinist!Russia fic!
  • hm, I thought there was other stuff
  • But I should probably get back to colour-coding Holst.
  • yes.
  • I am attacking a printout of Moorside Suite with coloured pens and pencils to try and analyse what's going on there.
  • While my parents watch Homeland, which I haven't been watching at all so a good excuse to get on with stuff (while I'm awake! I'm sleeping about nine hours a night and then three hours this afternoon and yet I don't think I'll have trouble sleeping tonight…  Although I'll probably wake up and cough at 4am like I have for the past three nights.  Blergh, I'm not used to being ill, I'm not good at it!!)
  • Saw a whole bunch of TV and films the first few days especially :)  WHICH I NOW CAN'T REMEMBER.  haha.  okay… hmmm.  Cars 2!  That was fun.  yaay Owen Wilson my fave.  I haven't seen Cars 1.  also caught the end of Enchanted which.. always, any time.  STILL HAVEN'T SEEN FROZEN.
  • back to wooork.

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